Nursing the Art of Love

Oh, Hi, yo.

2011-08-07T16:20:00.002-04:00

Things I love about Ohio:
-Christopher!
-Dog parks
-Smiling faces everywhere we go
-Local eggs
-Local honey
-Local produce
-Local, local, local!
-Corn fields
-An extra hour of sunlight
-Beautiful sunsets
-No light pollution for star gazing
-Inexpensive fresh, produce. (Did I mention it's all local??)
-Farms
-Farm markets
-Quilt stores
-Metroparks
-Bike paths

Things That I Could Do Without in Ohio:
-Humidity
-You're Going to Hell Billboards
-John Boehner
-The Heartbeat Bill
-Long commutes to work
-Teeth optional towns
-Highly commercialized food establishments

So far, so good! :)

sensational summer | Day 3

2011-06-24T00:13:00.003-04:00

part one | self

awake

part two | senses

smell. lilies and rain.

sensational summer | Day 2

2011-06-23T00:25:00.002-04:00

part one | self

miss frizzle.

part two | senses

touch. dew drip drop.

sensational summer | Day 1

2011-06-21T23:24:00.003-04:00

part one | self

jet lag. feeling foggy.

part two | senses

sight. seeking clarity.

...and so begins my photo project! i will be documenting two photos every day for the entire season. one will be a variation on self-portrait, while the other will be an exploration of the five senses.

summer.

2011-06-21T14:40:00.002-04:00

happy first day of summer! it's my first full day without anything on my schedule, and i'm itching already for something extra. i feel the need to be inspired and create. it's interesting how my mind maintains this inverse relationship of structure and creativity. now that the structure is gone, my creative juices want to start flowing!
a few people have suggested that i move forward with photography, and i honestly love the idea. i have a fairly new camera that i am in love with, and it would be a pretty low-cost project, seeing that i have the tools already. but what to do? a simple googling of 'photography projects' has helped my narrow things down. here are some ideas for photo projects that i'm thinking about.
-365 project: pretty self explanatory. a picture a day for a year. could be of myself or of a theme. i also thought of making this less daunting by starting with summer only, since this is the first day of summer.
-A-Z project: photographing things that begin with letters of the alphabet or that look like letters of the alphabet
-Pick-a-something: spend a day photographing all of one thing, or all one color

I'll probably come up with my own project that's a hodge podge of those suggestions. i'd like to have a single photo or photo set for every day of the summer, either with a big overarching thing, or a theme per day. suggestions??

The End.

2011-05-26T11:17:00.002-04:00

Oh my. I graduated.

With great power, comes great responsibility.

Check out my new spot, The Fifteen Minute Relationship. I hope to maintain this blog as an outlet of a personal nature, while the other will be more of a professional type place.

More lists!

2010-12-27T10:23:00.002-05:00

For my next home--there are some 'must haves' and some 'really wants'...

MUST HAVE
-Washer & dryer in the house/unit (not shared)
-Garage or covered carport
-At least two bedrooms
-A yard or local green space
-Thick walls
-Pet friendly
-Adequate storage space
-Non-oil heat (or heating costs included)

REALLY WANT
-Clawfoot bath tub
-Separate fancy-pants shower
-A loft / third bedroom for office/den
-Dishwasher
-townhouse or single-family house
-Walk-in closet(s)
-Kitchen island and/or breakfast bar
-Hardwood floors
-Fireplace (functional)
-Gas range
-Porch

I think these are totally reasonable, right? Hopefully when I'm ready to purchase, I can get everything on my really-want list after some renovations : )

Christmas Miracles

2010-12-25T11:16:00.002-05:00

If you know me, you'll know that I am mainly a woman of science (and emotions). Rarely do I attribute things to a higher power, nor do I pray for things to turn out a certain way. I am the one to tell you that you are the controller of your own destiny, and that things happen for a reason, but because of some unexplained karma/cosmos/what will be will be theory. However, despite my beliefs (and non-beliefs), my family received two Christmas gifts last night that have shaken me to my core.

Gift #1: Health.

My Uncle J. has been battling transitional cell carcinoma of the kidney for the past year. Now, my uncle is not the poster child of good health practices, but the man is only 46 years old. He may be a big, hot-headed tough guy, but throw the word CANCER at any man and he'll be knocked to the ground. It was a very difficult diagnosis. He had an initial surgery that removed a kidney, ureter, and part of the bladder last year. After the surgery, he was told that the cancer was contained (yay!) and that he would not need any further intervention. He recovered fairly well from this surgery, with little complications. A few months later, he went for a follow-up, and told his oncologist that he had been having some sternal pain when coughing. An MRI revealed metastases to the bone, particularly the sternum and cervical spine. Shit. A whirlwind of tests and evaluations led to a round or two of unsuccessful chemo, followed unsuccessful radiation. Throw in unemployment for both him and his wife, and you'll see how 2010 was a pretty shitty year. After the few unsuccessful therapies, he was referred for gamma knife radiation therapy, which he completed a few weeks ago. Last night, which could have been the saddest Christmas eve ever if yet another therapy had failed him, Uncle J and Auntie R delivered the news that the tumor metastasis to the sternum was dead. The radiation worked! He has to go for an excisional biopsy and cervical laminectomy in January, after which he will head up to Boston to see a transitional cell specialist and get a consult for what is hopefully a last round of chemo. As dysfunctional as my family can be at holidays, last night we were all smiles, and for good reason. I'm not sure if it was the green grapes we ate on New Years Day 2010, or the shots we take for good health whenever we're together, but something has finally come through.

Gift #2: Prosperity.

My Nonna is an amazing woman. At age 22, she came over on the Julius Caesar II by herself from Italy to find a job for herself and a home for her family (my dad and Nonno) who would follow her over months later. She settled in Providence, learned English, held a steady job, and a raised a family of three, against all odds. She faced the adversity of being an immigrant, and did it all with a smile, well kept hair, and high heels. She became a grandmother to three and still managed to balance her busy work life with caring for her grandchildren AND putting a three course meal on the table every sunday for the entire family. At age 62, Nonna became a widow after Nonno suffered a very unexpected heart attack after what was meant to be a benign surgical procedure. Her world was shattered. All the things she had worked for and accomplished in her lifetime were for her family, the leader of which had left her without warning or goodbye. What I would know of her after Nonno's death was a somber woman of mourning. She wore black for five years, at least, and still refuses to celebrate herself when we offer her gifts. My Nonno's ashes are in an urn in the dining room, and there is always a candle lit and a greeting card to him for every holiday. She kisses the urn hello and goodbye when she comes and goes.
Now, when Nonno died, they were both still working. The house was no where near being paid off, and there were not many (if any) financial assets. This led to Nonna having to work a full time job just to keep afloat. Working in the jewelry business, she was good with her hands, and after her company closed, she looked for more of the same work. She got a job working for a small manufacturing company that has treated her and all its employees like shit, paying not more than minimum wage and forcing work on holidays. Calls to the labor board have been unsuccessful, since complaints need to come from employees and everyone is scared to call. My Nonna, bless her, can be so stubborn, and has never been able to admit or doing anything about how horribly she is treated as an employee. She is 74 years old, and still works doing what I believe to be slave labor when all I want is for her to be able to retire and spend her days reading and cooking and doing whatever she wants.
Enter Uncle Pat. Nonna's younger brother, never married, and often the butt of our (loving) jokes. Pat is a vietnam vet who is kind of a drifter. He is known in the Providence Italian community as 'that guy.' He can always be found at one bar or another, gambling here, drinking there. He has never had a real job, working 'under the radar' and living off is non-service related diability from the VA. We often joke that Uncle Pat is 'connected,' since his circle of people is probably in the 'family business.' Anyway, Uncle Pat has had many health problems over the years, suffering from multiple heart attacks. Again, like Uncle J, he was never the picture of good health, since tobacco and alcohol are on his daily menu.
Last month, he goes to the bank to withdraw his disability pay, but nothing is there. He goes to the VA, hooks up with a case worker who takes a look at his file. The case worker has a hunch, and sends Uncle Pat to a VA physician for a detailed evaluation. The physician concludes that his years of cardiovascular events are consistent with Agent Orange syndrome. Bottom line? All these years, Uncle Pat should have been receiving service-related disability. He was discharged in 1964, and the VA have been in touch to tell him that he will be receiving 36 years of back payments, as well as the correct disability amount until he dies. Uncle Pat will be receiving a check for close to $1 million.
Uncle Pat visits Nonna to tell her this news. He is in total shock, and she is soon to be the same. He tells her that it has always been his dream for his older sister to retire and never have to work or worry about the $100,000 mortgage left on her home. He gives her a proposition, but with a catch. He wants to pay off her mortgage, the catch being that she has to leave her job and actually retire. Nonna tells us this news last night around the dinner table with tears in her eyes, and soon we all follow suit. I'm not sure what I am more in awe of. The fact that my Nonna, who has worked tirelessly since 1959 to make a life for her family while sacrificing her own peace of mind, will finally be putting up her feet. Or the fact that Uncle Pat, who has never been much of a man of substance, wants nothing more than to take care of his older sister's finances. All I know is that all of our Christmas wishes have come true this year.

Ironically, my dad's side of the family decided not to exchange gifts this year, instead all giving a joint gift to Nonna (a flat screen TV). Apparently, though, somebody/something didn't want us to go without, and we all got the gifts that everyone wishes for every year: health & prosperity.

Wishing you ALL health & happiness this Christmas. May you all be humbled as I was about the meaning of the season.

XO,
AJL

Getting started on my lists...

2010-12-17T20:24:00.003-05:00

States I've Visited (not counting airports or drive thru's)

Alabama
Alaska
Arizona
Arkansas
~~California~~
Colorado
Connecticut
Delaware
Florida
Georgia
Hawaii
Idaho
Illinois
Indiana
Iowa
Kansas
Kentucky
Louisiana
Maine
Maryland
Massachusetts
Michigan
Minnesota
~~Mississippi~~
~~Missouri~~
Montana
Nebraska
Nevada
New Hampshire
New Jersey
New Mexico
~~New York~~
North Carolina
North Dakota
~~Ohio~~
Oklahoma
Oregon
Pennsylvania
Rhode Island
South Carolina
South Dakota
Tennessee
Texas
Utah
Vermont
Virginia
Washington
West Virginia
Wisconsin
Wyoming

I sure have a lot of work to do...

100 things to do before I go

2010-12-15T08:05:00.003-05:00

Okay, so many of you are already familiar with my bucket list, which I've talked about and published in an earlier post. I've decided to turn it into a 100 things list. I've edited out some fluffy things from the 13 year old me version, and added some goodies. Again, strike outs are for things completed!!!

~~1. Experience true love~~
2. Learn to snowboard
3. Be in two places at once (straggle a border)
~~4. Visit the town where my father was born~~
~~5. Change someone's life~~
6. Learn to drive a stick-shift
7. Write a lyrical song (i wrote the lyrics to a sevenatenine song!)
~~8. Compose a string quartet~~ (i arranged God Only Knows by the Beach Boys)
~~9. Be happy with myself~~
~~10. Go on a big rollercoaster~~
11. Have something memorable named after me
12. Be in a movie
13. Sleep under the stars (does camping in a tent with no rain fly count?)
14. Fly an airplane
15. Bungee jump
16. Parasail
~~17. Perform with a professional symphony~~
18. Be in a movie score's orchestra
19. Go to Hawaii
~~20. Win an award~~
21. Get married (to the real deal!)
22. Meet someone famous
~~23. Go to a major league baseball game~~
~~24. Be in a book dedication~~
25. Ride in a horse-drawn sleigh
26. Play in the Academy Awards Orchestra
27. Attend the Academy Awards as a guest/date
28. Attend a government/political ball or gala
29. Live in New York City
30. Write for a newspaper, journal, or magazine
~~31. Live in Italy~~
32. Reach and stay at goal weight
~~33. Be fluent in Italian~~
34. Have children
35. Have a house on the ocean
36. Hold an elected office in my community
37. Visit Greece
38. Revisit Mexico
39. Walk the red carpet
40. Stay at the Plaza Hotel
~~41. See Billy Joel in concert~~
42. See Paul McCartney in concert
~~43. Dine at Tavern on the Greene~~ (it closed!)
44. Open my own cooperative health private practice
45. Pay off my student loans by age 35
46. Purchase a home by age 30
~~47. Visit Niagara Falls~~
48. Visit the Grand Canyon
49. Take a pottery class
50. Set foot in all 50 states (airports don't count!)
51. Go on a multi-day canoe trip
52. Hike a portion of the Appalachian trail and stay in the huts
53. Visit Yellowstone & Yosemite
54. Become a cross country skier
55. Go dog sledding
56. Walk a Glacier in Alaska
57. Get my wisdom teeth out
58. Sleep on a boat (that's not anchored OR a cruise ship)
59. Take a road trip across the US
60. Stay at the ice hotel
61. Afford to eat truly organic and whole food
62. Take ballet again
63. Finish all the books on my reading list (which is constantly getting longer!)
64. Zipline
65. Rock climb on an actual rock face
66. See the northern lights
67. Write a book/memoir/travel guide
68. Live in a home that satisfies all of my must-haves and really-wants (list forthcoming)
69. See the ball drop in Times Square (preferably from a swanky hotel party)
70. Visit Banff, Canada

...the rest are forthcoming!

Better late than never.

2010-10-28T10:34:00.004-04:00

I realize that I have been less than stellar with my blog updates. Gosh, if that doesn't attest to the level of craziness in my life : )

Some updates in my professional & school life:

So, I became registered as a nurse back in March, and started my first two jobs as an RN over the summer. I had a great summer, working at a day camp for 6 weeks, a resident camp for 3 weeks, and a women's health clinic's recovery room. My summer off from school was great for my mental health, my personal growth, and my wallet. It really was a fantastic few months, and I'm glad now to have two employers under my belt as an RN.

Oh, I got to have some fun, too. Here's me testing out my highly complicated method of nosebleed management. Yes, that's a tampon.

The school year has begun, and the first semester is already more than half completed (!!). Things are going well. I am still working per-diem as an RN in the women's clinic, and I'm also working for a professor of mine as a student research assistant. Again, great for my resume AND my wallet. I have two clinic placements (one adult primary care, one ob/gyn) that I will be at for the entire year. I am slowly but surely becoming more independent, quite often being the primary provider for the visit. I don't know what it is about this year, but I'm just happy. Maybe it's the fact that I can see the light at the end of the tunnel, or maybe I've had some personal growth that helps me manage my time and stressors better. Whatever it is, I hope it sticks around. : )

A Rhode Island Retreat

2010-10-25T15:31:00.009-04:00

Chris and I were both fortunate enough to have the day off on Friday, so we planned a day trip to Rhode Island. We knew we wanted to go to the Jack O'lantern spectacular, have dinner with my parents, and stop at a certain bakery, but other than that, we didn't make any particular plans. I love how we can just decide what to do on the fly. It's so different from my usually militant schedule : ) I also just got a new camera, so I was a very happy camper!

We left CT around 11:30, and began our RI tour at Iggy's in Oakland beach for lunch. Chris had his first clamcake, and I had my first clamcake of 2010 : ). We had the best New England Clam Chowder, and we left with full, happy bellies.

After eating, we took a stroll on the beach, mainly so I could take pictures with my camera. It turned into Chris stealing the camera and doing an Amanda photo shoot. There are many photos of me yelling at the camera, like this one...After our Warwick lunch, we headed to Providence. Chris had a coupon for 4 cupcakes at The Duck and Bunny, which was the most adorable little cafe I've ever been to. They call it a 'snuggery,' which means a comfy, cozy place. I love snuggeries. Anyway, we had nice warm drinks and delicious gourmet cupcakes to boot. Go check them out, you won't be disappointed!

Next, I had to show Chris the wonder of Thayer Street. We had about an hour to kill, so we parked and took a quick stroll up and back. It wasn't too busy, and there was a nice, crisp wind. One of my favorite places in my favorite weather! No complaints here.

Okay, so after THAT (are you tired yet?), we met Kristen at the Jack O'Lantern spectacular at the zoo.This was my first time going, and we saw some amazing pumpkins!

So finally, to round out the day, we met up with mom and dad at St. Barts. Yay! We had a delicious dinner and great company, as always.
Check out my picasa album for more photos from the day. Cheers!

Rest in purrs...

2010-10-25T15:18:00.003-04:00

I write with the very unfortunate news of the passing of my dear cat companion, Winston.

I returned home from Saturday errands to find that he had passed away, in a favorite spot of his. While I am absolutely traumatized by the experience of finding my best friend deceased, I am at peace with the thought that he was in little or no pain, and that he was considerate enough to wait until I was not in the home to take his last breaths. He was an old cat, but spunky until the very end. I will treasure the very special cuddle session we had the morning of his passing, which included lots and lots of purrs.

Winston was born in Montreal. He came of age in Kingston, Ontario, where he earned a bachelor's degree in philosophy from Queen's University. He spent his adult life in Ithaca, NY, earning a master's and PhD. I was fortunate enough to have him during his retirement years, where he worked on another Master's, but this time in Nursing. Though he fell months short of graduation, he will be getting an honorary degree. He was quite the academic, as evidenced by his attendance at two Ivy League universities. He was able to split his time well between his academic duties and leisure life, and he helped me do the same.

I sure will miss you, Winnie!

Good golly!

2010-04-13T08:10:00.003-04:00

I'm an auntie! Molly Rose was born yesterday morning at 9:52, weighing in at 6lbs, 0.5 oz. She's a little peanut, and boy is she beautiful.
I skipped my last class yesterday (antepartum, so it was justified) to go visit the newly improved T family in the hospital. Linda, Steve, Lisa, and Roseanne were there, too! Molly had been under the warmer for a while, so they hadn't even gotten to see her yet, except through the windows of the nursery. It was such an honor to be there when she arrived, all bundled up, for her first visit with her family.
The others left around 5pm to get back to RI, but I was so thankful that I was able to stay...and that Linny wanted me to stay! I helped her nurse, which was incredible. I employed some of the tricks I've learned in nursing school, such as getting mom and baby naked under a big blanket for some skin-to-skin benefits. She had been fussy, but she calmed right down once she was close to Linny's heart. Molly has such gusto! She has a great suck reflex and even went looking for food on her own, without much help. Latching was tricky, but they will both get the hang of it really soon, I can tell.
Linny & Molly had a few student nurses last night, who came in frequently to assess her and baby, change med bags, etc. It was so interesting being on the complete other side of that. Also, it was cool to see the role that I took in the room. I was the 'nurse family member'! I got asked a few questions by family, which was neat, but I didn't feel like I had to 'blah blah blah' about what I knew. I'm glad for that, because sometimes I can get really excited and blab when no one wants to hear it. I was perfectly content being a normal family member. And boy, I'll tell you, the experience is SO MUCH BETTER when it's a baby being born into your own family. I thought my maternity rotation was great with strangers...this is so much better than that because I CAN get emotionally involved, and I'm head over heels : )

Women Deserve Better

2010-04-07T15:29:00.002-04:00

whenever I feel discouraged, I watch this. Sure, it doesn't lighten my mood, but it reminds me of what I'm working towards (and my passion that is sometimes buried beneath schoolwork).

Amanda, RN

2010-04-06T16:39:00.002-04:00

Yes, friends. A bit delayed in reporting this news, but I am OFFICIALLY a registered nurse! It feels wonderful to have achieved such an accomplishment. I have a job lined up for 6 weeks this summer, and I'm excited about it. But...it's kind of scary.
Amanda, RN: some other things that come to mind...
Really Nervous
Right Never
Rambling Now
Rash? Nah
Radical, Not
Rarely Nauseous
Rectum? NOOOOOOO

Of course, this is all in jest. I think I make a damn fine nurse, if I do say so myself : )

2010-03-23T14:36:00.002-04:00

This article is in today's NYT. I still am having a hard time coming to terms with all the unnecessary medical interventions of obstetrics. It's a tough place to be, especially because I need to learn to be objective about the situation and not let my emotions get the best of me.

And while we're on this topic, here is another article related to childhood obesity and new findings in early prevention efforts. Any thoughts? Michelle Obama has received some recent criticism for putting the girls on a 'diet.' Is there a difference between healthy choices for children and putting them on a diet? Discuss.

2010...?!?!?

2010-01-01T12:23:00.002-05:00

dear fervent followers,
apologies for never updating my blog. one of my resolutions is to do so more often, let's see how that goes.

i've come to a conclusion that i personally don't need a new year to make positive changes in my life. there's been a lot of 2009 bashing going on, but i don't think it was all that bad. i made a very positive change of changing my eating and exercise habits, and as a result i am 28 lbs on my way to my most healthiest self. i can honestly say that this is the first year that "start a diet" or "lose weight" isn't the first thing on my resolution list. i'm already doing it, so here's to the continuation of that positive change. i also like the idea of speaking of things as though they will happen, not as though they may happen. so, here's my list!

In 2010, I will:
-become an RN
-train for and complete a 5K run
-lose 35 more lbs
-not sweat the small stuff
-perfect my physical assessment skills

In the 2010s, I will:
-become a nurse practitioner
-become a wife
-become a mother (AHH!)
-reach my goal weight and stay there
-become a homeowner
-have a car payment
-own a hoverboard

the first list is of course my aspirations for the upcoming year. the second list is more of a list of realizations that are most likely in store for my next ten years. scary.

in other news, school is good. this last semester was absolutely ridiculous, but i finished strong. i had a wonderful GYN clinical and i'm looking forward to studying OB and adult PC more this semester. also, i'm moving! i move into my new apartment january 15th and i'm so so excited! new year, new semester, new apartment! i'm feeling confident that these three things will help my brighter, shinier outlook this year (hey, add that to the 2010 list!).

best wishes of good health, happiness, and SMILES in the coming year (+decade!)--
XOXO
ajl.

eat, sleep, school, poop.

2009-11-03T08:15:00.003-05:00

so if anything is made evident by the fact that I haven't posted for about 3 months...it's that this semester is RIDICULOUS. seriously, I thought last year was rough? It's nothing compared to this year. BUT, the good part...it's a ridiculous amount of [mostly] FUN stuff!! If I'm forced to be a hermit and never leave my apartment except to go to school and shop for groceries, at least I can be a hermit with my favorite topics. Other than that, nothing new to report.
(except I've officially lost 20 lbs...weeee!)
XO

time, $0

2009-08-17T22:13:00.006-04:00

Lately, I have been thoroughly enjoying the fact that I have free time. Yes, I said it. Free time. I was told I would never see any of that again until finishing nursing school, but I'm ever so happy to report that free time is upon me.
A quick update:
I have officially been on 'summer break' (if you can call it that) since the final days of July. The summer months of June and July rounded out with the completion of both maternity & community heath clinical rotations. In a nutshell: maternity=best time ever spent and community=not so much. Don't get me wrong, I love community health and all that it stands for and all that CH nursing achieves. However, I was disappointed to say the least at the clinical experience that was supposed to give me a glimpse into the area. I won't bore you with my complaints, but I will say that a one-day observation at the state capitol's public health STD clinic gave me an amazing perspective into public health nursing and a got enough out of that one day to make up for the rest. Anyway...
I just returned to ivyville from an incredibly relaxing week in my home state. I split my time between my parents' and my man's, and let me tell you...it was delightful. Sure, I had to take care of annoying things such as renewing my license and going to the dermatologist (no cancer, btw!), etc. But, I also celebrated a birthday in style, made some fashionable purchases, and even completed a jigsaw puzzle. I purposefully ignored phone calls and emails (sorry everyone) and took time for myself. Oh! I even treated myself to a facial as my birthday present to myself.
Now that my mini vacation has come to a close, I still have a couple of weeks before it's back to the grind. I've been babysitting for an adorable 2-month-old throughout the summer, which keeps me occupied about 4 hrs/day. I've also been getting to the gym more and I've been able to take the time to cook some delicious, in-season, healthy meals. Did I mention I've lost a little over 15 lbs?
So far, I think I've read 4 novels this summer, which has been great. I'm slowly but surely making my way through the books I purchased on my reading list. I just started The Glass Castle this afternoon and I have a feeling it's going to keep me up late tonight!
School starts up again on September 1st. The week before that I will be very present at the orientation for the new kiddies. It's hard to belive that it's been a year since I was getting my supplies and moving in and freaking out about starting something COMPLETELY new. I'm glad I will be there to tell the newbies that they, too, will survive!
I'm looking forward to my clinical this semester, even though I don't yet know much about it. I know that it will be a one-on-one experience in GYN/primary care. It will most likely be in an office or clinic setting. I am just so thrilled to get into the nitty gritty of what I am most interested in! My mom treated me to a fancy new stethescope for my birthday, so I'm looking forward to get to use that, as well.
I'm itching to read my new book, but that's all for now. I hope I am better with keeping up the blogging this upcoming semester. : )

Speaking of blogging, did you see Julie & Julia yet? If not, take your favorite pal and do so...STAT!

a new blogventure

2009-06-21T21:59:00.004-04:00

i would like to welcome you all, avid readers that you are, to take a sneak peak at my new blog (don't worry...not a replacement!).

this is a geared-towards-young-women-reproductive-health-love-your-body-and-yourself blog. it's not yet advertised to the readers it's aimed towards, but once it has more substance i will try and launch it. but for now, read and react.

girl talk

I love ya, tomorrow!

2009-05-20T20:53:00.003-04:00

Tomorrow is the day.
Tomorrow is the day I officially begin my rotation on the labor and birth floor. I am seriously busting at the seams with excitement. I don't know why, but there is some crazy magnetic force that attracts me to pregnant women. Every close family member/friend who has ever been pregnant can attest to this. I need to know everything. I need to know what it looks, feels, and tastes like to be pregnant. This is funny because I never really felt like I was one of those women BORN to be a mother. Not that it's not on the top of the list of things to do before I die, because it is. Procreation is very important to me. Maybe it's because I'm an only child, or because I didn't have any cousins who were much younger than me (for me to remember the birth). I've also had a list of baby names compiled...for a while.
I am that person who becomes googly eyed at a pregnant mommy or a little baby. My eyes widen and I make this particular face. My baby face. I'm hoping that I can detach myself just a little bit from these emotions during this rotation. I have to remember that these are not my best friends giving birth...these are strangers. I know I will cry. I am prepared to cry when I finally witness the "miracle of birth." [as an aside, I said that previous statement to my older, fianceed cousin...who proceeded to make a gross face and say "ew." at the thought.]
Should I warn the family that I will be emotional? What if I'm expecting to be emotional and I'm not? Agh. This is not about me. This is only about my learning. Other than that, this experience is not mine. I am going to be fortunate enough to be apart of someone else's special day. I know I'll be fine with that. Heck, I survived the psych rotation...which was DEFINITELY not about me.
I'll get my own special day...someday.

Hello, me? It's me, A.

2009-05-12T16:06:00.003-04:00

Have you ever looked in the mirror and not recognized yourself?

It just happened to me. It's really strange to look in the mirror and admire yourself from afar. I'm not trying to be boastful or self-righteous, because we all know that's not me. I had this sudden sense of pride for who I am, who I've been, who I'll become. Sometimes it's hard to believe that I'm living the dream, and that the dream is mine! I can't believe that all my hard work in school has paid off, and that I am a student at this incredible institution preparing to become something, someone. Of course, everybody will become somebody in their own right, but to think that I'm becoming the best me? To think I am becoming somebody who I will have utmost respect for? It's just unbelievable at times. I'm not settling. I'm doing.

Again, I'm not trying to boast. But I just have to realize that sometimes it's okay to be proud of yourself. Why is it that we are constantly putting ourselves down with negative self-talk? Why do we always focus on what we haven't done instead of what we've accomplished already? We constantly take the time to honor the influential people in our lives and the people we love, which we should! But, it's time to honor ourselves.

Today, I'm celebrating me.

Found it!

2009-05-08T10:51:00.003-04:00

Yes, friends. I found my wal-mart receipt, upon which I've scribbled some notes.

I had the pleasure of working with a 21-year-old young man during my pediatrics rotation. He was not my patient, but we developed a friendship nonetheless. M has down's syndrome, also known as trisomy 21, which is a chromosomal disorder that is caused by an extra chromosome 21. As many know, individuals with Down's have a lower than average cognitive ability, which can range from developmental delays to profound mental retardation. Physiologically, those with Down's tend to suffer from congenital heart defects, short stature, thyroid disorders, among other health issues. There is also a greater tendency towards infertility, whereas men very rarely father children, and females have significantly lower rates of conception than those unaffected.

M had a congenital heart defect, causing him to have various open heart surgeries throughout his lifetime to date. He was in the hospital on this occasion because of a sternal wound that had healed but reopened, due mostly in part to his scab-picking tendencies. He was consulted by both the wound team and dermatology. During these consults, his mother mentioned that he had a rash in his genital area, and that he had been scratching for the past week or so. The wound team checked it out, and sure enough poor M had a rash on his inner thighs and his genital area was red and inflamed due to his scratching. The team said this was probably due to the spread of infection from his sternal wound via M's hands, prescribed some hydrocortisone, and that was that.

Now, I don't know if it was my sexual health interests flicking me in the head, but for some reason, I was not comfortable with the way the situation was handled. Yes, M had a rash that needed attention, but I felt as though unfair assumptions were made. I brought this up to my preceptor in post-conference. "I know this may be a silly question," I asked, "but why was no mention made or questions asked about M's sexual history?" My preceptor hesitated, and explained that since the floor 'knows' M and his family (especially the overbearing tendencies of his mother), that there was probably never any time where he was alone with anyone else.
I couldn't help but feel that unfair assumptions and judgments were made about Ms lifestyle. Was there a subliminal statement made by the wound team that individuals with Down's syndrome aren't or can't be intimate with others? This boy was 21-years-old, and I can't help but think that had he not been mentally retarded, one of the first questions would have been about a sexual history. He may have been at a lower cognitive ability than other 21 year old men, but that does not mean he has not reached his physiological age.

I realize that it would have been equally unfair to assume that his issue was due to sexual contact, but in my opinion, the question should have been asked (not in front of his mother). These questions are difficult to ask, and must be asked in the correct manner, even to individuals who are not disabled. How does a health professional then adapt to this situation when someone of low cognitive ability is the patient? There's no more beating around the bush (no pun intended), no euphamisms allowed. This cannot be easy for either party, but when we decide that it's easier for us to just ignore the question all together, we are doing a disservice to our profession.

I'm curious to get some input from others on this topic, which may seem controversial. In my opinion, there is no controversy when it comes to treating all citizens with equal and fair health care.

thoughts?

Where's my inspiration?

2009-05-05T19:09:00.003-04:00

Literally.

E is awesome and makes me write things down when we talk about them so I can write about them on here later when I have time. I don't have time, per se. But I do have a paper due in two days which means it's about the right time to procrastinate!

Now, if I could only find that stop & shop receipt with the notes on the back.....grr.

If that mockingbird don't sing...

2009-05-03T18:14:00.005-04:00

Crap. I've been SO negligent with this blog lately. Rest assured, however, that this only indicates that I am not being negligent with the other [albeit more important] aspects of my life.

Gosh, where do I start? I have two days left in my pediatrics rotation. Crazy, right? But let me tell you, I have LOVED peds. What I cannot distinguish, however, is why exactly I've loved peds. I can't tell if it's from the more fluffy, compassionate angle, or the more precise medical angle. I'm favoring the former. I don't like to see children suffering through things that are beyond their years. In my opinion, children shouldn't have kidney stones, crohn's disease, infectious arthritis, or trouble breathing. I just don't like it. And with children, I rather make the difference by being the friendly smile who knows their name and their favorite color than make decisions about their antibiotic regimen or whether their urine has a healthy pH. It's too impersonal. I just cannot be impersonal when it comes to children. At the end of the day, I don't know if this characteristic would make me a better clinician for children or a resentful one. When it comes to a younger population, I want to be on the prevention end, not the diagnosis and treatment end.

I've had a good smattering of different children and families to take care of. I've had a 57 day old baby with no parents in sight, and a 15 month old whose parents could never leave. I've had a 7 year old non-verbal boy with autism who has suffered through lead poisoning, ear infections and mastoiditis with parents with genuine hearts of gold, and a 5 year old boy with asthma who's mom forgot to tell his dad he had asthma when dad got custody. Don't get me wrong, I have felt fulfilled in my role with all these patients and families, but in many different ways. With the 57 day old, I was the first in a while to offer her my undivided attention. The parents of the 15 month old were able to get lunch in the cafeteria without feeling guilty about leaving their child alone because of me. The 7 year old boy with autism was a challenge, but at the end of two days I got a hug from not only his mom, but also from him. And the 5 year old boy, as we colored, asked me if I was 5 years old, too, and he let me be his best friend for the day.

Yes, I can spit out the diagnoses and the interventions and the treatment modalities for the ailments that afflict young children. But at the end of the day, I earn an A+ in humanity.

SPRING BREAK

2009-03-06T10:12:00.002-05:00

I am officially on spring break! Sweeeeeeeet.

I also had finals in three classes, which means no homework/studying to do! (except for that research assignment, grr..)

AND AND AND this means I am OFFICIALLY HALF WAY DONE with my first year of nursing school.

WOW.

So in a nutshell, life is good! I'm on my way to NH today to have a getaway weekend with dearest girlfriends T and J. Then I'll come back here for Monday-Thursday. Then I'm going home for the weekend and then N and I are off to D.C. for 5 days!

I do, however, have a nasty cold. But I discovered the neti pot and I think my life has been changed forever. PLEASE check it out.

I also bought a new camera, so expect the next installments of blog posts to be totally visual!

I'm sure you'll hear from me again early next week with some political/social issues concerning women's health.

I care about me, too.

2009-02-01T22:06:00.003-05:00

While I should be studying for my biomed and pharmacology exams (tomorrow and tuesday...eek!), I'm thinking about something else.

We recently started our psych/mental health rotations. In a nutshell, this rotation is HEAVY. We were front loaded with a bit of info on what to do, say, and feel, but the fact of the matter is you don't know how you're going to respond until you're actually in the situation.
I've already had four full days on my unit (adult psychiatric). The scope of the patients has been anywhere from suicide attempts to bipolar disorder to schizophrenia. It's of course awkward to approach someone and start talking (heck, I have a hard time with that normally!), but for the most part, it hasn't been too painful. I've made a big effort to create effective "therapeutic relationships" with patients, which basically involves leaving myself out of all conversations! It's been hard, but I haven't interjected or responded to anything a patient has said with "I think" or "Me too" or "[insert questionably relevant personal experience here]." This personal reflection has been amazing. It's not all about me! I'm trying very hard to carry this realization over into all aspects of life. Even just these four days have been very eye-opening for me. But that's not what I wanted to talk about...

Last semester, during my med/surg rotation, I found myself taking my work with me after I left the hospital. I would discuss patients, disease states, procedures, etc with classmates and friends, and of course my manfriend. Almost every night after clinical, I would have an excellent story to tell N. about my day and my patient for that day. With the start of this psych rotation, I have been (consciously and sub-consciously) trying to leave everything in the hospital. Once I get off the elevator, all the pain and sorrow I have felt that day melts away. I'm not sure if it's mind over matter, or maybe it's my body/mind doing an excellent job at self-preservation. Because goddess knows that if I were ruminating over things for the rest of the day, it would not be good for MY mental health! So, when N. called me the other night and asked me about my day in the hospital, surprisingly nothing came to mind. I realized at that moment that I would have to go to the back of my brain to a special file cabinet to tell him about my day. Since I didn't want to open the file cabinet, I said to him, "you know, I've been trying to leave things at work and I really don't have much to tell you about my day." And it was okay.

So I'm wondering...is it bad that I am distancing myself so much from the situation? I am SO not used to this. Am I being insensitive? Am I evading emotions that I should be feeling out? I don't know. I mean, I like the fact that I'm not carrying any baggage over to my personal life. I just hope it isn't making me flat or apathetic. I really do care. In the moment, I feel. I feel a lot. But the thing is, I care about me too.

Am I doing it right?

She shoots, she scores!

2009-01-25T18:38:00.003-05:00

I attended a corporate conference this weekend with my love, N. While I was only a guest, I tagged along to some talks (when I got bored of the beautiful king size bed and bubble bath tub...). A prominent member of the company gave a nice talk to the younger sales reps about GOAL SETTING. Most of the information included things I had already learned or realized on my own accord. The talk did, however, remind me to revisit my list of goals (formerly called "Things to do before I die") and take it to the next level. The speaker challenged everyone in the room to set many achievable, quantifiable goals. I thought this was interesting, because the parameters are the same as outcome criteria when it comes to nursing interventions.

Now, this bucket list of mine was started when I was about 13, and it isn't necessarily a list of career goals. I will duplicate the list here, because it's important to put the list in places I will see and look at frequently, because that's how I will be reminded to put my thoughts into actions.

I will list every goal I ever put down (straight from the 13-y/o version), but I will modify it a bit. Italics will be for goals that I wouldn't have put down if I created this list today (i.e. outdated). ~~Strike-out is for goals achieved!~~

I look forward to questions/comments about my goals!

~~1. Experience true love~~
2. Learn to snowboard
3. Be in two places at once
~~4. Visit the town where my father was born~~
~~5. Change someone's life~~
~~6. Learn to drive a stick-shift~~
7. Write a lyrical song
8. Compose a string quartet
~~9. Be happy with myself~~
~~10. Go on a big rollercoaster~~
11. Have something memorable named after me
12. Be in a movie
13. Sleep under the stars
14. Fly an airplane
15. Bungee jump
16. Parasail
~~17. Perform with a professional symphony~~
18. Be in a movie score's orchestra
19. Go to Hawaii
~~20. Win an award~~
21. Get married [to a true love]
22. Meet someone famous
~~23. Go to a major league baseball game~~
~~24. Be in a book dedication~~
25. Fly
26. Play in the Academy Awards Orchestra
27. Attend the Academy Awards as a guest/date
28. Attend a government/political ball or gala
29. Live in New York City
30. Write for a newspaper, journal, or magazine
~~31. Live in Italy~~
32. Reach and stay at goal weight
~~33. Be fluent in Italian~~
34. Have children
35. Have a house on the ocean
36. Hold an elected office in my community
37. Visit Greece
38. Revisit Mexico
39. Walk the red carpet
40. Stay at the Plaza Hotel
~~41. See Billy Joel in concert~~
42. See Paul McCartney in concert
43. Dine at Tavern on the Greene
44. Open my own cooperative health private practice
45. Pay off my student loans by age 35
46. Purchase a home by age 30
47. Visit Niagara Falls
48. Visit the Grand Canyon

Thoughts? Goals of your own? Hold yourself accountable...

Would you like to buy a flower?

2009-01-19T11:07:00.003-05:00

My wonderful man and I took a long overdue trip to New York City this weekend. It was so nice to get away for a few days and relax in a place that's so busy! We explored a new neighborhood (East Village) and even walked across the Bkln Bridge at midnight (in the freeeeezing cold!). It was great. I'll spare you the gushy romantic details.

What I do want to share is an experience that I am still laughing over. On Saturday night, we escaped from the cold into a 24 hour drug store. It was the biggest Walgreens either of us had ever been in, and we spend a good half hour just roaming. When we got to the toy section, N says to me, "Oh come here! I want to show you this toy!" He pulls down this little sphere that is supposed to guess what word you're thinking of in 20 questions. N is convinced that this is the most genious invention ever, so we decide to play.
We picked the word 'vagina.' Now, there was some degree of crudeness in the choice of word (on Ns part), but I was really interested into what this little toy would guess after 20 questions about a va-jay-jay.
After 20 hilarious questions (Is it wet? Is it alive? Does it smell? Does it smell nice?), the magic ball calculates its guess.
"Is it...A Bouquet of Flowers?"
WOW. I absolutely love that the sacred feminine has been mistaken for a bouquet of flowers. I really do. It just reinforced my thoughts of how delicate, special, powerful, beautiful a vagina is!
We did, however, decide to give the magic ball another chance, and we said "no" and continued with another set of questions. Even after asking if it was a body part, the magic ball's guess was...
"Is it...A Carnation?"
Now, I'll leave the fact that I think carnations are a poor excuse for a flower out of this, but...
The magic ball STILL thought the vagina was a flower. I LOVE it! After all these crude nicknames we have for the lady part, a vagina has the objective likeness of a flower.

Since my area of interest is women's health (and women's rights, for that matter), I think I am going to make a significant effort to eliminate crude, insulting names for the vagina from the vernacular.

I know that, according to the book Cunt, I should embrace these terms because they are symbols of female strength and unconditional self-love, but I would still love to hear a man say that he loves my bouquet of flowers.

2008 in Review!

2008-12-31T09:24:00.000-05:00

January: I had a very nice start to the year 2008. Before returning to UConn for the spring semester, I went down to my first/only nursing school interview. I knew then that I would love it here, were I to be accepted. I had a fabulous interview experience, and really appreciated how the people were not at all pretentious. Later in the month, we had a superbowl party at the Lilypad, and I rekindled a friendship with an old friend. : )
February: In February, I got my acceptances to my two top schools...yay! But, that meant a lot of thought about my decision. The rest of the month consisted of lists of pros and cons, and seeking advice from friends, family, and professors. For my first Valentine's Day stateside with N., I got flowers delivered to me, along with a lovely visit for the weekend following. Late in the month, I had my senior violin recital! I prepared intensely and I was so happy that it went well (and that it was over!). I STILL have not listened to the recording.
March: Before spring break, I visited my other top school in NYC. Being in New York, especially as a potential inhabitant, gave me this incredible feeling. I was (and still am) thirsty for a life in New York. However, I let that feeling be associated with the school itsself, which wasn't right. At the end of the day, I wouldn't be able to attend unless I completed two courses online before May, which is when their program started. They would not let me defer my acceptance to the following year. I did NOT want to go to a school that didn't want me enough to accomodate me. This is when I made my final decision! I totally made the right one....New York will have to wait another few years! After that redicilous decision was over with, N. and I left on our spring break cruise to the Bahamas! We had SUCH an amazing time! We stopped in Nassau, Key West, and a private Bahamian island. We met some really neat people at our dinner table and at the trivia games that we took by storm. It was so nice to get away after a stressful beginning to the year! April: April is very foggy. I think it was probably a transition month. This was the final full month of school, which meant I was probably writing papers and "studying" and getting ready to graduate. This is the month when things started to become stressful in my house among my roommates.
May: In May, I had my final Symphony concert, followed soon by graduation. Shortly after that, my parents took me to Italy as my graduation gift. We visited a few places, seeing friends and family along the way. When we came back, I saw the Sex and the City movie, which was a very important milestone this year!
June: I started working in June for the same company I had worked for the two previous summers. I'm sure I ate a lot of ice cream this month, too.
July: More working this month. I did my initial move-in to my current apartment and did a lot of shopping and decorating preparation.
August: I had my 22nd birthday in August, which was lovely. I had a skin cancer, which was not fun, and I moved into my apartment for good. I had a lot of gigs this month, and made some cash-money.
September: The first month of school! I met all my amazing friends this month! I also started clinical and put on a set of scrubs for the first time...eek!
October: Very stressful month of school. I took lots of exams and studied a lot. At the end of the month, I went home for Halloween and worked at a haunted house.
November: November was more of the same, except I switched to an AWESOME clinical rotation. I was able to go home for mom's birthday and Thanksgiving, which gave me nice tastes of home during stressful times at school.
December: I survived! I passed my first semester and I'm looking forward to the next one! I started babysitting for a few families to make money, and I also got hired on for a part time job in a violin shop downtown. I went home for Christmas after the crazy snow storm and I've been having a wonderful few weeks here.

Tonight is New Year's Eve, and it's started snowing already. We are supposed to get a pretty heavy storm. N. and I had plans to go out and party and dance at a nice restaurant, but my new party dress will have to stay on the hanger one more night. He will most likely be out sanding and plowing most of the day and night. My job is to buy a bottle of our favorite champagne. Maybe I will surprise him by making a nice dinner! Either way, we will ring in the New Year in a casual manner...hopefully accompanied by a sappy romantic comedy.

A Happy & Healthy 2009 to All!

Finito!

2008-12-19T17:42:00.002-05:00

Yes! I am done with my first semester of nursing school! WOW.

I'm currently snowed in my lovely apartment, listening to Christmas tunes, and preparing for my journey home tomorrow for the holidays. It is such an incredible relief to be done with the first leg of this academic journey! I finished the semester strong, and managed to pull off good marks. All in all, I'm off to a good start!

Some reflections...

Med/Surg Seminar: This was my favorite class! I loved it. L and D were such fabulous instructors, and I learned SO much. And it's not just memorization followed by "brain dumps." I do truly feel that I have learned this material and I'm all the better for it. I by far performed best in this class, and studying for it was most tedious, but never a drag (thanks, E and S!).

Clinical: Focusing just on my second clinical rotation...I LOVED it. J was the most amazing preceptor. She really forced us to put ourselves out there and take responsibilities for ourselves and our skills. She gave me opportunities that I continue to brag about (ask me about the stool transplant!) and I was able to develop my bedside skills much more than my previous rotation. At the first rotation, I learned to interact and interview, but this rotation really drove home all practical aspects of bedside care. I read my evaluation, and J called me the leader of my clinical group. I was so flattered! I hope that the rest of my clinical rotations this year will be as rewarding as this past one. Psych is up next in January!

Pharmacology: It definitely took me a little while to ease into the structure of this class and the exams. I finished the semester very strong, but the class continues until March. This class is more of a memorize and brain dump kind of class, but I feel like I'm retaining the BIG players. In actuality, resources will always be available to me and I will always consult them when in doubt.

Biomed: Eh...I still don't care for this class very much. The material is presented in a manner that isn't my preferred learning style. I mostly take notes and end up teaching things to myself. I have a hard time retaining the info after class and I'm just not sure why. I'm doing fine in the class...but it's definitely my "just gotta get through it" class. This also continues until March.

Living in the New City: You know, this city has really surprised me. I wasn't expecting much, I'll be completely honest. But there are so many hidden gems: museums, galleries, cafes, music performances...I love it! My only complaint is that my car window has been smashed TWICE now and my car has been gone through. Zipcar is looking better and better... But I really do love it here, and I LOVE my apartment! I hope I never have to leave!!!!

Friends: One of the best parts of the program! The people I have met have been so spectacular, and it's amazing how close we have all gotten in such a short period of time. I really enjoy unwinding with these people, sharing drinks, studying, and just enjoying the city. A love-filled shout-out to: S, E, N, L, G, A, R, E, J, J, & M. You all have kept me sane these past few months...thank you!

Extracurriculars: I've been playing regularly with the Medical Symphony. It's so much fun! Now that music isn't my job, I love it so much more! We had a concert last week and I performed as a soloist. I don't know if I've ever enjoyed performing so much in my life. I'm hoping to keep this a constant in my life.

Job Front: I have started babysitting for 1 family, and I have interviewed with 2 other families. In addition, I've been hired as a part time employee of a local violin sales & repairs shop. I'm hoping this help me bring in enough money to stay afloat. I'm looking forward to all the new adventures planned for 2009!

Stay tuned for remembering 2008: at-a-glance!

A Toast

2008-12-06T11:15:00.000-05:00

We all have a past life. Within that past life, there are those who came before us who are now known as authorities. My previous life's authorities? The big three: Bach, Mozart & Beethoven. My new life's 'big three'? Nightingale, Henderson & Pellico.
Did you know that I am a classically trained violinist? I went to music school and I have a music degree. Where am I now, you ask? I'm in nursing school. Did you just laugh? It's okay...most people do. Sometimes, I even laugh at myself, to be honest. Oh yeah, I just followed the normal sequence of events: high school, music degree, Italian degree, nursing school! It's not even as though I put the cart before the horse. Forget the cart. I took the horse and put it on top of a bowling ball. That's how I feel, ~~some~~ most of the time. Except, you know what? I'm not a horse. I am most definitely a zebra.
Have you ever heard the first movement from Brahms' Fourth Symphony? It's one of those movements that is so heartbreakingly beautiful, full of various musical elements. It really sets the stage for the rest of the symphony. But it is long. Very long. Very long and dense. When I performed it last year, I loved every second of it, but I was so relieved when it came to a close. I am now going to make a very intelligent musical parallel. GEPN year is the first movement of Brahms' Symphony No. 4. Very long, very dense, and hopefully over sooner rather than later. That was for everyone who thought I wouldn't be using my music degree in nursing school. I really have more insight than you all thought.
So even though I often question how I got here and whether I'm on the same page as everyone else who came from ridiculously good schools and ridiculous science backgrounds, I realize that we are all working towards the same goal now. There is no competition because we are on an equal playing field. If we are all successful, we will be colleagues, not competitors. We may all be holding on for the end, but there is a force greater than us all carrying us there as we all work together. Symphony playing has taught me a lot about that, believe me. In music, it's important to realize that there is always a bigger picture but that your role is so crucial. Even if I make a mistake or skip a beat, I will be carried through it by the support of my colleagues. So, as I raise my glass to the end of the first semester, I toast you all. Here's to the journey, the company, and the cadence.

A Confession

2008-11-17T17:33:00.002-05:00

Fine, I admit it.
I'm having a hard time writing about you. It's been weeks since I cared for you, but for some reason I can't get you out of me head. I really wish I knew why the hell I let you get to me. I'm ashamed, embarrassed, frustrated, pissed. No, not at you. At me. It's not your fault that you are troubled. It's not your fault that you suffer from post traumatic stress disorder. At your age of 57, it's not your fault that you can't control your destructively manipulative tendencies. I should have known I was up for a challenge when I read that you used to be a lawyer. I had met my match. Did you know that when I was growing up, my parents joked that I would be a lawyer? Yup, it was because I could argue the crap out of anything, and always win. Thanks to you, I'm glad I didn't become a lawyer. At least you gave me that clarity. Maybe if I had been able to argue with you, I would have won. If I had given myself permission to be the authority, who knows what would have happened. But no, I'm just the incapable, fresh, virgin, submissive nursing student, whom you can walk all over and take for granted because I don't know how much respect I deserve yet. I am going to ask your permission for everything, because for some reason I think it's acceptable for you to deny an important aspect of your care that I'm providing. It makes me sick to think of myself as that person. I am strong, I am independent, I am confident. From the first words you spoke to me, you took all of that away. I became obedient and I gave you control of every situation. I'm so angry that you betrayed the relationship I thought we had established. We had a breakthrough moment. You called me in your room just to tell me I was "going to be a great nurse someday." I told you about my education and my career interests when you asked. You took advantage of it all. You took advantage of the fact that I was a vulnerable student and young woman so that you could get under my skin and control me like a damn puppet. And I let you do it. How could I have possibly wanted your approval? I'm so disgusted that I let myself care this much. But aren't we supposed to care about our patients? How can I stay distant and detached while still gaining your trust? Where did I cross the line? I want to yell at you because YOU were the one who crossed the line. You broke that trust and respect that women are supposed to have for other women. But I will not blame you. You are a sick person. I will take this one for the team. I will not give you the satisfaction of being responsible for my feelings. You don't deserve it. I am in control now.

Here I am....Rock you like a hurricane!

2008-10-05T17:53:00.004-04:00

Well, I know I've kind of fell off the face of the earth lately...
Things have been so incredibly busy, and I guess my eyes were bigger than my stomach (...fingers?) with the blog! I am of course not giving up, but it's looking like I'm not going to be able to update as often as I thought.

So, a lot has happened since I last updated. I can now take vital signs, prime IVs, give injections, bathe people in bed, and change a bed with someone in it! I know, I know. You're totally impressed. I'm on the evening shift for my clinical rotations, which has its ups and downs. I LOVE sleeping in a little bit two days a week, but I finding myself getting tired despite the extra Zzzs. Not to mention, the 8am class on Thursday after my 4-10pm shift Wednesday night is a really bugger. I am definitely learning a lot in my clinical rotation (I'm currently on an internal medicine/telemetry floor), but I'm also looking forward to my next one, which should be on a surgical unit with a little faster pace. All my patients have been delightful so far, and I'm really honing in on my interviewing and physical assessment skills. It's good that I'm being eased into things. I no longer feel like I'm playing dress up (though I have my moments) and it's great when I have the moments when I feel like I deserve my white coat. Sometimes I really cannot believe how lucky I am to have my dream career laid out in front of me like this!

see, I don't look THAT out of sorts, do I??

Academics are going pretty well. I scored very well on my first Med-surg exam, which was very reassuring. I took another exam on Thursday in biomed, a class I'm not so confident in, and I have yet to hear the verdict. But I can't even think about that right now because I have a pharmacology exam tomorrow! (can you tell I'm procrastinating??) It's basically a non-stop whirlwind. Don't get me wrong, I absolutely LOVE it, but it can get pretty overwhelming. I knew what I was getting myself into : ).

It's really important, especially in this program, to take time for onesself. I'm big on that. Even though I do a LOT of studying, I make sure I have time with my friends to go out and decompress. I have even given myself the allowance of one drink on a schoolnight if I've had an exam that day, haha. Also, the Medical Symphony rehearsals start in two weeks (yay!) and I am taking a pilates class every Monday night with my dear cousin. And my dear loverman has been able to visit every other weekend and we have some great plans through the rest of this month. Overall, life is GOOD! I'm even making time to cook delicious meals, and do little projects around the apartment. Not to mention, autumn is here, which is only my absolutely FAVORITE season! I'm hoping to do some apple/pumpkin picking next weekend.

I've been missing my cats back home, but luckily for me, a cat is coming my way! Winston is arriving on Saturday! He is a large, short hair love-bug of a cat, who will hopefully fulfill my need for feline companionship. I'm slightly worried about my allergies, but I'm buying an air filter, and I'm always super good about cleaning any cat hair. Plus, there's no harm in taking an OTC allergy med in the mornings.

I of course keep myself on track by keeping in mind my next 'break'. I am looking forward to Thanksgiving and Christmas, because I totally miss my family. Speaking of which, I have a new baby cousin to be born this week! I've also been thinking that I'm going to need a serious relaxing vacation come August. Is it bad that I'm thinking that far ahead already...??

So I know there hasn't been much 'nurse talk' in this post, but since it's The Nursing Channel in my head 24/7, I thought I'd spare you and share only the commercial breaks. : )

Two, Two, Buckle My Shoe!

2008-09-06T14:04:00.003-04:00

Well, day two of classes was definitely a lot more challenging than day 1! I had pharmacology and pathophysiology, in addition to my second med-surg lecture. Pharmacology seems as though it will be a lot of memorization and just internalizing different drug types and associations and risk factors, etc. Pathophys will most likely be my biggest challenge. The thing is that this topic draws on a lot of science background that a lot of people already have. Since I never took chemistry or biology at the college level, it means I will have to play "catch up" for the first few weeks. I think that once I get the fundamentals, the rest will fall into place. It just means that I have to work extra hard. I'm continuing to LOVE med-surg. Not only is our professor seriously the bomb, but it's also such invigorating content. The second lecture was on fluid balance (dehydration, edema, kidney function, blood, etc). So we're learning all the physiology of what goes on in the body, but we're also learning the clinical implications at the same time! It's the good stuff, lemme tell ya.

I signed up to volunteer for a free screening day for homeless people and veterans next friday. There will be about 40 of us doing blood pressure screenings, blood sugar screenings (via finger sticks), PPD injections, foot screening, and health management. That means that in less than ONE WEEK I will be able to do all those things. It's crazy. Talk about baptism by fire... Regardless of the fact I may have to bring a pair of brown pants, it's going to be great practice for me!

I finally visited the library here, and let me tell you, I thought I walked into Hogwarts. I'm definitely seeing some of the perks of my tuition [tens of thousands of] dollars.

It's Saturday and rainy, which means I'm staying in to clean, next, relax, and study! Stay dry, everyone : )

No Title.

2008-09-03T17:08:00.002-04:00

So it's totally for sure. I'm OFFICIALLY a student here! I had my first 'real' day of class today, though it was kind of a 'fake' day because it didn't follow any regular class schedule. Normally, we will be at our clinical assignments on Wednesdays. But anyway, we had a nice long day of lectures. First, we had a review of the med-surg syllabus by our 'mom' for the year. After that, she dove into our first class lecture on the role of nurses and the nursing process. I'm glad I read the class notes ahead of time, but it was all manageable information. What's crazy is that it didn't really feel like school! I wasn't looking at the clock or antsy (except when that morning coffee made its way right through me!) and I thoroughly enjoyed the class material.

Some keys points I learned today:

*THE NURSING PROCESS:

--Assess

--Analyze/Diagnose

--Plan

--Implement

--Evaluate

*Nursing defined--what can we do for the patient that he would do for himself if he had the strength, will and knowledge?

*Three parts to a diagnosis: The [nursing] diagnosis PLUS what it's secondary to PLUS what it's manifested by. Example: Impaired physical mobility secondary to pain and discomfort as evidence by the patient unable to walk without assistance.

*Treatment goals must be realistic, attainable, and measurable.

New Terms:

Diapherisis: technical term for sweating

Orthopnia: inability to breathe while lying down

After the class lecture, we had a professor talk to us about holistic nursing and guide us through a guided imagery meditation. It was pretty sweet. When she asked us to picture ourselves walking on the beach and meeting someone, I pictured a very large bacon cheeseburger with legs (it was almost lunchtime).

The stuff after lunch was pretty laid back: a film, and then a presentation by the living previous deans of the school. Lots of history and politics and insight into the profession. Hooray.

But the exciting part is that we got our clinical assignments! I'll be at an urban hospital about 30 minutes away (which is kind of a bummer). But, I'm on evenings (4p-10p) which is cool, and one of the other girls lives in my building and we're already friends. PHEW. I'm excited that it actually seems real now!

Well that's all for now. I'm off to organize my binders and read about fluid balance!

Home Sweet Home

2008-08-22T14:42:00.002-04:00

So here I am, finally. All moved in, lounging around my apartment, and waiting for orientation on Monday. It's kind of crazy, really. I went to health services today to give some immunization records, and I also had blood drawn for a Hep B titer. Hopefully I'm still immune. FutureACNP and I met a nursing student there! She just finished her first year, and she's in Women's Health specialty, too. She gave us some tips (i.e. which books NOT to buy), and it was nice meeting her.

Last night we met up with a group downtown and spent a few hours chatting and drinking. I met some fabulous people, including two other girls in my specialty! It's so amazing how we all come from such diverse backgrounds. I am going to learn a lot this year.

I'm still getting used to the city (and it's steep property taxes). I need to figure out which areas are safe to walk to, which places are close enough to walk to, where the closest mailbox is, things like that. On my list of things to do by the end of next week are:

--pay my taxes : (

--register to vote

--go to the post office

--do my online course requirement things

That's a pretty short list, I know. My writing juices aren't really flowing right now. I'm sure I'll update once orientation begins!

Nip Tuck

2008-08-07T19:35:00.003-04:00

Just to keep everyone in the loop (since I don't yet have any exciting nursing school stories to report), my surgery has been scheduled for Tuesday at 9am in the minor surgeries dept. at my mom's hospital. I met with the plastic surgeon yesterday, and he gave me the run down.

The whole procedure should only take about an hour, but I will be awake for its entirety. They will numb my right thigh with super-novicane (the long life stuff) and then go to town. I think I'll bring my iPod. He said that the standard margins for a melanoma excision are proportional to the size of the melanoma itself. Mine was about 3mm, which means centimeter margins in each direction. Here's where the plastics stuff comes in. Since the excision will be in a circle shape after the margins, pulling together the skin and sewing it up would create a dimple in the middle of the scar and bunching on either side. In order to create the most aesthetically pleasing scar possible, the doctor will increase the incision to an ellipse shape, almost pointed on either end. He will put in deep stitches, which will dissolve over time, and then he will put in skin stitches, which will be taken out the following week. When all is said and done, the scar should be about three inches in length.

He obviously wants me to take it easy for a few weeks (which means no gym, ugh...), and the scar will take 6-9 months to get to how it will be permanently. I guess I'll find out on Tuesday what the deal is for wound care, and whether he'll be putting me on pain meds. I've asked to work from home that day, since I'm not supposed to drive. But...board game night will go on!

Sorry this isn't incredibly exciting, but it's not like I can go on and divulge the details of my shopping spree last weekend...this blog has a purpose (my experiences in nursing school and outside events pertaining [even just a little bit] to my medical education).

My birthday is on Monday...everyone have a cosmo in my honor!

Cancer?

2008-07-30T14:42:00.002-04:00

Remember that mole I had removed last week? Melanoma. Yup. Skin cancer.

The PA called me today with the results from pathology, and gave me the run down. It is superficial, and caught EARLY, which is a very good thing. The only treatment I will need is a surgery, to make sure that all the cancer cells have been removed. Since it was caught before it was invasive, there's a 100% cure rate, which means no chemo or other drug therapy. She said that since I'm young and probably want to have nice looking legs for a while, a plastic surgeon should take care of me. I have a consultation a week from today at 3pm, and hopefully they can schedule the surgery wicked soon because I'm moving in...three weeks (!!).

This is all pretty crazy, and a lot of information has been thrown at me in the last hour and a half. It's a lot to take in. I just think it's kind of ridiculous, because I have pretty much NONE of the risk factors.

Let's break it down:

--More than 50 ordinary moles: NOPE

--One or more severe sunburns as a child: Seriously, I've never had a sunburn.

--Many freckles: NO freckles.

--Fair skin: Um, hello? Mediterranean beauty right here

--Light eyes: I'm so full of shit, my eyes are brown.

--Live in the Southwestern US: Does New England count?

--Frequently spend time in the sun without protection: The best tan I've gotten lately is from the florescent lights at the office

--Exposure to UV radiation: Okay, I admit. I went tanning before some proms in high school. Maybe 10 times, TOPS.

So I guess I'm okay, but it is kind of scary. I'll need to have routine scans every 3-6 months for the rest of my life, which is cool.

And I do wish it were in a more convenient spot. It's on a part of my body that is almost always covered by clothing, rubbing up against fabrics which then graze my other leg while walking.

Call me selfish, but I don't want this to interfere with intimacy, either!

Lots to think about. I'll talk things over with two other people I know who have also had melanoma. Anyone have any opinions/experiences/suggestions?

The Mole.

2008-07-24T18:52:00.004-04:00

How about a positive health care experience!!

I went to the dermatologist's office on Tuesday for an appointment I scheduled a while back. I have had some concerns, and I wanted a full body scan, since my last one was three years ago. Since the doctor was not seeing any new patients (which included those who had seen her more than 3 years ago, like me), I elected to see the PA. She was very very nice, and I rattled off all my concerns to her:

1) Allergy to anti-perspirant (aluminum)

2) Allergy to nickel

3) Mole on my inner thigh

We chatted, and she gave me proposed solutions to my concerns:

1) Try that deodorant rock crystal thing

2) A prescription ointment for flare-ups

3) In-office biopsy.

I showed her the mole that I noticed had changed, and she said she wasn't crazy about and that she'd take it off then and there. I was prepped for the biopsy, and I walked away with two stitches! I was obviously a total trooper and didn't freak out at all, and to my surprise, I didn't really feel much of anything. [The PPD that Judge Judy gave me last week hurt more than this!]

She was very thorough with wound care instructions, along with my limitations for the next two weeks as to not tear my stitches. I have an appointment to get them taken out August 5th. Now, here's hoping that the pathology results are normal. It's always best to find out it was taken off for nothing than to leave something cancerous on one's body.

So, I just figured that you gotta take the bad with the good. I'm still going to tell the doctor about Judge Judy... [can you tell I'm holding a grudge?]

Judge Judy

2008-07-17T14:37:00.004-04:00

So, while this is mainly a place to document my experiences as a student, I think it would be appropriate to side-track a bit while still staying within the realm of health care. This is a bit of a rant. However, I think it is a completely justified one, and frankly a situation I need advice on...

Since I am starting graduate school in the fall at a new university, I was obviously given a whole bunch of health forms to get filled out by my PCP before I start. There are two crucial forms: the medical history/physical health form and the immunization record. I called my PCP last week and made an appointment for Tuesday; I said I needed to drop of health forms and receive a PPD (tuberculosis test). The receptionist scheduled me for Tuesday morning and said I could pop in Thursday morning to get the PPD read and get my health forms back.

A side note--I still go to my pediatrician. I am 21 years old, and I have been seeing the same doctor since birth. He agreed/offered to see me through college. I am a healthy kid, and I see a women's health practitioner for my lady parts, so it's not a huge deal. I have my final physical with him scheduled for the beginning of next month before I part ways and move to my new locale.

So, come Tuesday morning I get myself ready and head over to the doctor's office. I tell the receptionist who I am, give her the health forms, and say that I'm here for my PPD and my third installment of my HPV vaccine if that's okay. (They administered my first dose of the three-dose series last August and I got the second dose from my women's care practitioner in March--I relayed all this info to the receptionist.) She tells me to have a seat in the back, which I do.

When it's my turn, the woman (a nurse? medical assistant? I really have no idea...) calls me to an exam room. Before we even leave the waiting room, she says to me, "I can't give you the HPV vaccine. You're too old." This boggles me, but I kindly reply, "The vaccine is for young women ages 9-24." She replies, "I know that. But this is a pediatricians office. How old are you? Like, 21?" I stare back at her in bewilderment, explaining that they gave me my first dose less than a year ago...when I was the same age. She goes on to tell me that they should have never given me the first dose to begin with, and that they will receive a bill because I am over a certain age. She goes on and on about the weakness of the dollar and 'of course you understand...' Not sure what to make of it, I am of course agreeable, since it is taking me a little while to process. She gives me my PPD and tells me to come back in two days to have it read.

Meanwhile, as I'm driving home, I'm realizing the absurdity of it all. First of all, she blatantly passed judgement upon me for being "too old" to see a pediatrician. It made me very uncomfortable. Second of all, she denied me the completion of my vaccination series, when THEY were the ones who started me on the series. My mind plays it over and over in my head, and I increasingly see how out of line this woman was. Unfortunately, I am never quick enough on my feet, so I let her get away with it. From Tuesday until this morning, I planned to go back there and 'give this woman a piece of my mind,' which in my terms means going over their heads and talking to the doc about it.

Fast forward to this morning...I got up early to meet a dear friend for coffee around 7:30. We had a lovely visit, and the coffee shop was conveniently less than a mile from doc's office. Around 8:30 we part ways, and I went to the office to care of my business. I walked in, talked to the same receptionist, reminding her that I was here to pick up health forms and have a PPD read. I went around, where Ms. Judgement was sitting, and showed her my negative test site. I then kindly asked the procedure for having my medical charts forwarded. I told her I was moving and enrolling in my school's health plan, and that they wanted all of our charts. I told her about my physical next month, and if that's something I can take care of then. She asked me if I was switching doctors, and asked again how old I was. I said yes I was, and that I would soon be 22. She then made some side comment, saying '22' and chortling to herself. She told me that I would need to call them and give them enough notice to copy the forms, since they can't mail them anymore. I said, "you can't?" and she said, "yeah since 9/11, [and I expected some statement about privacy traveling through mail or something else intelligent] anything over 13 ounces has to be taken to the post office, and we just don't have the time for that." Seriously? First they can't give me a vaccination because they will get billed. And now they can't mail the medical records of someone who's been their patient for 22 years? I shrugged her off, and huffed out the door...not in a good mood. I got in the car and looked over the forms they had given back to me, to make sure that everything was filled out. Only the vaccination form was signed and filled out. The physical health form was completely blank with no signature. I waltzed back in there and shoved the forms in the receptionists face, who was on a private call. "This one isn't filled out." "Oh, that's because it doesn't need to be filled out by a clinician and there's no place to sign." I point and read out loud to her the sentence that says "Please have this portion filled out and signed by her clinician." She gives me some explanation, adding that the doctor won't be in for another hour and do I want to come back. "No, I don't want to, but I guess I'll have to." I stormed out, again.

So, I really am so livid about the whole situation. Part of me wants to call them, demand that they mail me the forms and my medical records, and cancel my last appointment. It's not exactly close, and they are complaining about the price of a stamp when they're making me go back and forth three times!
The other part of me wants to go in there, talk to the doctor, and explain how I am feeling. I am mainly upset at the woman who passed judgment upon me more than once! I see that she obviously finds it comical that I still see my pediatrician, but who is she to decide who should and shouldn't be seen in that office? She was out of line, and as I result I feel like I cannot return to my doctor without being uncomfortable. The doctor should know this. She cannot judge me, when the doctor is the one telling me to come back for another year until I graduate. And on top of that, who is she to decide that they cannot complete my vaccination series? You do not start someone and just deny them the completion of the series. That is NOT what health care is all about.

Ugh. I am so disgusted by this whole situation. What should I do? I just don't think I should keep quiet about this one...

Chugging Along

2008-07-14T10:09:00.003-04:00

Whew! Finally things seem to be falling into place! I am enrolled in my CPR class, I have an appointment to get my vaccinations and get health forms signed, and I am partially moved into my apartment!

On Saturday, mom, dad, boyfriend and I drove the 14-foot truck to my previous apartment, packed all my furniture up, and drove to my new apartment. Starting at about 8am, the whole process took us until about 1:30. I finally met my roomie, futureACNP, and we set things up in the apartment and went shopping at IKEA for some other communal items. I am very pleased with how things are coming along...especially the decor!

In the evening, we met up with two more future classmates. We dined at a casual vegetarian locale, right in the center of downtown. We mingled, while also making observations about our new city. In all, I think I'm in for a great year.

Worry free is the way to be!

2008-06-25T17:11:00.003-04:00

It's exactly two months until orientation. What is on my mind, you ask?

1. Money. I have some. Not much...or enough. I'm hoping my stellar organizational skills are able to carry me through my money management. At least for this year. I'm gonna take it one year at a time. I'm hoping that I have the time and skills to stay on top of my bills and rent, etc. It will be my first time paying bills and as long as I don't forget to pay one (eek!) I think I'll be fine. I also applied for my first credit card yesterday (I know, I know. I just always only spend money that I actually HAVE!) and I hope I get approved. The whole not having credit thing may be an issue. Who knows. Budget, budget, budget!!

2. My new apartment. From what I remember seeing it two months ago, it's spectacular! My roommate, futureACNP, and I will be doing our first move in two weeks from now! We're also meeting for the first time. I'm not worried about that, but you can imagine my mother! I've bought a lot of things, and so has he, and hopefully this move in will be the only big one I have to do. We're renting a moving truck and going to my former university housing location, packing up stuff from there, and driving to my future university housing location. It should be a good time. Especially since we're only on the second floor. The apartment even has a terrace! I'm so excited.

3. Capability. I hope I measure up. I mean, sure, I know I would not have been accepted to this super-duper Ivy League nursing school if they didn't believe in me. I obviously believed in myself enough to sell myself at the interview. I know deep down that I am unstoppable and incredibly capable intellectually. It's just that sometimes, like any normal human, I doubt myself. I also hope that my intellectual capabilities will translate to clinical talent. And, I'm intimidated by a lot of my classmates who are much older than I am...many who already graduated from Ivies once or even twice! Please take me under your wings, fellow classmates, as I am still growing up in many ways!

4. My personal life. I of course cannot help thinking about how this move and transition will affect my personal life. I am in love with a wonderful man, and I know it's the real deal and that we can adjust to a new way of living. We are used to being apart during the week...I just hope that the little extra distance doesn't inhibit our weekend visits. I know I will be very busy, but I hope to be able to make it home enough. It's not that much farther than my previous collegiate post. I just hope that school will not invade my personal time too much more than I'm used to. I am very good with time management, especially during the school/work week, so I hope that is to my advantage!

I'm getting Antsy for August!
(But slow down, hon, enjoy the present. Enjoy your last 'free' summer! Take it slow.)

Introduction / Food (?) for thought

2008-06-24T16:51:00.003-04:00

So, here I am.

In a little more than two months, my life will get a little crazier. I will be starting graduate school. End goal: Women's Health Nurse Practitioner. You're thinking:

Oh, so you must be a nurse already, right?
Nope.
Oh, so you did your undergrad in biology/pre-med/generic science?
Nope.

I'm starting a Master's Entry nursing program, which is designed for folks with non-nursing Bachelor's degrees in any field. The first year of the program is a super-accelerated Registered Nurse prep year, and the second and third years are 'specialty years,' when I'll train to be an NP.

Basically, three years from now, I will be a mid-level health care provider. Does it scare the crap out of me? Yes.

So what is my undergraduate background, you ask? Don't worry, it's not even closely related to any science! I did a dual-degree in violin and Italian literature. I have been extremely successful in both fields, graduating with distinction and all that crap. Did I mention that I graduated last month? HA.

So yes, I've been in school non-stop since Kindergarten, but you know what? I'm not ready to stop! But I promise, this is my last journey. THIS is my career prep right here. Nursing. I'm so psyched. My undergrad was just training for making me a well-rounded, multi-faceted individual. Mission accomplished! So now I'm on my way to having a gratifying (and hopefully lucrative) career to accompany my many interests and hobbies. Let's get it started!!

And like I said, Women's Health is the deal. I am all about women's rights and empowerment and strength and individuality. This mentality translates to health, as well. We women must band together for the promotion of ourselves! There are too many societal influences bringing us down that we need to make an effort to preserve what makes us US. This means educating all women of all ages about caring for their bodies. Every woman should know all about sexual and reproductive health, and unfortunately this is not the case. There are unfortunately a whole bunch of cancers that are women-only, and we've advanced enough medically to start preventing and controlling the habits that lead to certain cancers. And for the women plagued by hereditary women cancers, they need to know that their lives do not stop there. That's my mini women's promotion rant, take from it what you will.

A current events issue for discussion/debate:
In a nearby high-school, the number of pregnant teenagers at the end of this school year clocked out at 17, which is four times the average of the past years. Further investigation reported that there were a group of girls (maybe 5-9 girls, don't quote me) that made a PACT to get pregnant and raise their babies together. The fathers are not necessarily fellow classmates, and include a 24 year-old homeless man. This situation is all over the news, including talk-radio banter and press conferences about where the responsibility lies and 'where do we go from here.'

My take: I am not an advocate of teenage/minor pregnancy (by the way, these girls were all minors). I am a strong advocate of pregnancies/parenthood as a result of a healthy, loving relationship between a man/woman, man/man, or woman/woman. I am very progressive in those respects. I am also an advocate of pregnancies/parenthood among those with steady incomes and consistent housing. Consistency and responsibility are on the top of my list. So, as a result, I feel very badly for these babies. I also feel badly for the parents of these teenagers, who will most likely end up with the unexpected responsibility of raising these children (while still raising their teenage girls!). I believe that abstinence is NOT an affective health education tool. Teenagers (some, not all!) WILL have sexual relations regardless of what they are taught in school. This is a result of society, not education. Sure, having a strong moral influence will help these students make right decisions. But even the most moral of kids will think they are in love at the age of 17. If in fact, abstinence education is not reducing the amount of sexually active teens, then isn't it our jobs (our: parents, educators, health providers) to inform these young adults on how to be SAFE and PROTECTED? It really gets under my skin that high schools won't even say the words 'birth-control' and parochial colleges and universities won't distribute contraceptives at their health centers! I know this has turned into a rant of sorts, so I'll cut myself off here and get to some questions for discussion related to the specific situation of the pregnancy-pact teens.

Questions:
-These girls did not get pregnant by accident. If there indeed was a pact to get pregnant, they were purposefully having unprotected sex. Would education about birth control options / STI prevention have even made a difference?
-If it wouldn't have made a difference, then what happened in these girls lives that made them think that the key to happiness was to prematurely have children and disrupt their young-adult paths? Was this a result of society? Home life? A void in the education system?

I really don't know the answer.

(And I have the feeling that the previous sentence is going to frequently spill out of my mouth during the next three years...)